silly girl.

thanks to amanda, i am now feeling blogger calling me back to write some random post.

i don't really have much to write. i should, but i don't.

sometimes i think that maybe i'm doing it because i don't want to share, rather than because i care... i don't know. that's stupid thinking, i think. considering the circumstances...

wow. that makes no sense... :P

i'm not sure that i have anything constructive to say on this blog anymore. mostly because it's been so long. and it's just... it feels so different being back here... posting here was a whole different manner of postings, and now it's like... i dunno.


so much has happened this year, and this blog has kind of missed out on all of it. and i feel bad for that. hmm...
i dunno, i'm queer.

it's like managing people, friends... makes it sound so impersonal, "managing", but sometimes that's what it's like. and sometimes i just don't care anymore, and just can't wait for it to all be over, so that you can blame loss on the fact that it's because of distance, and not seeing people and what not... but then what if you wind up at the same places, and no matter what your methods of avoidance, you've got no choice and you just end up where you are and you can't escape from it all?

what am i saying?

i need to do my uac stuff.
and scholarship stuff.
and job application stuff.
blah.

stupid future thing.

and maybe studying of some sort would be useful...

i hate to be the one that misses you.

//xox

Slow Me Down- Emmy Rossum

LYRICS:
Rushing and racing and running in circles
Moving so fast I'm forgetting my purpose
Blur of the traffic is sending me spinning
Getting nowhere

My head and my heart are colliding, chaotic
Pace of the world, I just wish I could stop it
Try to appear like I've got it together
I'm falling apart

Save me
Somebody take my hand
And lead me

Slow me down
Don't let love pass me by
Just show me how
Coz I'm ready to fall
Slow me down
Don't let me live a lie
Before my life flies by
I need you to slow me down

Sometimes I fear that I might disappear
In the blur of fast forward, I falter again
Forgetting to breathe, I need to sleep
I'm getting nowhere

All that I've missed I see in the reflection
Pass me while I wasn't paying attention
Tired of rushing of racing and running
I'm falling apart

Tell me
Oh won't you take my hand
And lead me

Slow me down
Don't let love pass me by
Just show me how
Coz I'm ready to fall
Slow me down
Don't let me live a lie
Before my life flies by
I need you to slow me down

The noise of the world is getting me caught up
Chasing the clock and I wish I could stop it
Just need to breathe, somebody please
Slow me down.

LINK:
link
___

My thoughts on this song? I love it. I loved Emmy Rossum in The Phantom of the Opera and this is just brilliant.

Give it a go. =D

(Side note: It's been a while since I posted here at all.)

//L

ended.

2007 baby.
over.

and so ends this blog.
after so long.
why?

i'll be back. =)
//xox

such great heights.

"the writing... i think it will end up being a long string of letters to you that i just never give to you.
sounds like a plan..."

only now it's for someone else.

eco is over and all that.
but so is seemingly something else.

and who would have thunk it, eh?
but whatever.

just angsting over it, as i do. =)
and clicked that little button, and i'll see how that works out...

but in other worlds... things are ok.

thought that i might catch up on what's happening in life on... well... my blogger title "life". =)

//xox

scared to know i'm always on your mind...

*sigh* how was i to know that things could wind up so screwy...

eco has been amusing. thinking beyond eco a bit... and just... possibilities i guess? nyeh. i dunno. what the hell am i talking about?

why am i being so emo about everything lately? like, this arvo, felt myself just go completely quiet... mmm... i dunno.

*sigh* still trying to make my mind up about that thing... those two... it's hard to know who to believe, bias and all that... *shrug* i dunno.

and also, i don't know what is going on with me, coz i'm not sure exactly what i'm feeling, and that kind of doesn't help.

silliness. stupidity. all rolled in to one.

want to get away. can't wait for the holidays. party.

the writing... i think it will end up being a long string of letters to you that i just never give to you.
sounds like a plan...

sigh.

//xox

down down down...

going on a bit of hiatus because of eco. and how it's only just starting to freak me out. and i have done next to nothing this week.
*sigh*

it's getting closer and closer, and i don't think i'm going to be able to get where i want to get to...

even though i don't even know what i want to do anyway. *sigh*

it's all so... blah. everything is so weird.
stupid people. shouldn't spend so much time talking...

*screams and pulls hair out in frustration*

*breathes*

*panics*

BLAH.

anyway... yeah, basically hiatus for a bit...

xox

motorcyles...

band was weird this morning. mostly because i think i'm still trying to get used to the idea of........... yeah. lol.

and then... little things, you know? nyeh. whatever.

hair was annoying, but i lived. lol.

that one worries me, especially with what you think sometimes. ><" but he's been happier lately... so *shrug*

and then was talking to ....... and then he's going through silliness with her again. but i guess we'll see how that ends up. just worried about him tis all.

me: you worry me like this
him: psh not my fault you're a tool. dont you have enough to worry about yourself? or are you ThaaAAt perfect?
me: spend more time worrying about other people. so i don't have to worry about myself. coz if i worry about myself then i get caught up with all of my stupid issues and then get emo. and that sucks balls. much better this way
him: lmao...then im glad i can do that for you :P

love you for that. ^^ lol. but no thanks. =)

ah well. life goes on. =)

first day back at school... our last first day of term 4 ever.
*sigh*

getting butterflies in my tummy... 22 days.

xox

something or other.

i think it's kind of funny how people read things wrongly...
it's funny how you always think it's you.

two posts back...

hahaha...

some but not all.

differentiation. it's about time you learnt how to do it properly.

anyway... year 12 eh?

how long have i had this blog for? ^^ hehehhee... i love blogger. i love this blog. maybe i'll kill all the others, just come back here... i like that idea. i like that idea lots. =)

yeah. i think so. i'm killing geocities from here on in. sounds nice. =)

*goes to post on geo about how i'm killing it*

yay. so it is now dead.

now, let's see... what else... hummmm....

yup. nothing else.

*hugs*

i heart blogger. <333333

xox

third year.

my baby's third year birthday today...

and i'm an emo.

how different is that to when i started this eh? *sigh*

but oh well...

i forgot it last year... so thought i would just make the obligatory birthday post. =)

xox

i write for the blind

it's really not a good thing for me to be writing while i'm in a mood like this. i need some restraint, that i don't blog. because the only place that people will never be able to see my thoughts is if i just wrote them on the computer. but because i have some stupid neccessity to blog when i don't want to do work, i am blogging.

i should probably sleep. late nights/early mornings like this remind me of old conversations... and sometimes i just want to forget about it all. let it all float away to become some fond distant memory in the clouds, one that i'll only visit if i choose to fly there, on some plane of my pathetic-ness.

all these thoughts flying in and out of my head. i can't write them, for fear of them being read. coz there are things that i don't want you to read.

lies. all lies. lying is bad lindy. i know. but you still do it anyway. i know.

ok-ness. it won't ever be. not on my part. because more often than not i'm emo and talking to you just makes it worse. sorry. i'm screwed up. worse than before.

this is stupid. why am i posting here?

i don't ever want to fall in love. falling for someone leaves you so open to being hurt, to being vulnerable. i would know. look what happened to that. it was never meant to be, i know that, but who's to say eh? there were moments when i thought that maybe something could happen, but that was just wishful thinking on behalf of a schoolgirl crush. then again, it wasn't just a schoolgirl crush.

some days i wish that i didn't care so much about what people thought, and i could just do things and be things that i want to be. but i have to live up to everyone's expectations. all of this just makes me sound like a bitch. i know. but still. *sigh* i don't know anymore. i don't know what i want to be. i don't know how i'm going to do it if every second day i feel emo and i don't feel like doing anything.

i wish that my parents knew me. like, they knew this side of me. i wonder what they'd think then. maybe it wouldn't even change them very much. they'd still be themselves... or maybe if they knew, then i wouldn't be like this for much longer.

but who wants to talk to their parents in general. especially my parents.

some days i want to just fly away and fly off to the clouds where there is some world waiting for me to be me, where there are people i love, and the people i love love me back. and the people that i don't care about, just simply don't exist. and everyone is happy together, and i'm happy. all the time.

what a wonderful world...

"tell me something..." what do i tell you? what's to tell you? that when you did what you did, my heart skipped a beat and then i got all confused and for two seconds i couldn't remember where i was?

am i writing a story?

what am i doing? is it real?

lies. all lies.

i wanted something to happen, in the way that i didn't want anything to happen.

i wish that something had happened... and then i wouldn't be so... like this after it all. maybe i should have just stayed there, unmoving, and things would have been ok. or maybe they would have been more screwed up and maybe i MIGHT have slapped you and maybe...

*sigh*

riddles. talking in riddles.

i want to have a party. i want to throw a party. i want to have people over to my house. but i won't ever. because i'm kind of embarrassed about where i live. i'm kind of afraid of what people will think.

it'll be my downfall.

i love you. always have. always will.
just not with the same intensity.

thank you for always being there. without you, i am nothing. thank you. every day i wonder why you stick around. because if i were you, i probably would have run a long time ago. yet you're still here. and i love you for that so much. every day... thank you.

there's never a day that goes by that i doubt some of it... and it makes me wonder sooo much... what am i going to do with my life for Him. am i going to be ok, is He going to make it all ok for me and for Him? i don't know what to do anymore...

why did we have to end up like this? why can't we just stay as the little, innocent, naive kids that we were... and then one day magickly grow up and get jobs and life continues...

but no. instead, there are the mood swings, the freaky relationships... everything.

i'm tired. tired of everything.

i need to sleep. and finish english.

what a nice read.

and if you've read it, i dare you to comment.

i dare you.

xox